dawning

this is gonna be a good final academic year.

i’m gonna read up as much as i can, learn as much as i can, and enjoy the perks of being a fulltime student (which i never did enjoy in the past 3 undergraduate years). i’m gonna be focused in my studies and spend the rest of my time with friends.

in my first week back here in singapore, i was appalled and taken aback by how judgmental and 尖酸刻薄 (sorry for a lack of a better description) people can be. i mean, its not like i’ve never knew, i’ve lived with it for the past two years; but i merely forgot how it is like, to live in such a community.

i was really bothered by it for a few days, and i hated myself for taking in other people’s thoughts and opinions so much. like, what would they say if i did this? what would they think if i did this instead? i felt really restricted and it was really not like what i experienced in the past year travelling. being free, independent and empowered.

and it finally dawned on me last night when i was about to shut down my computer. i saw faces of many wonderful people i’ve met in the past year, and sceneries of many places i’ve left my footprint; on my changing desktop wallpaper.

and that was when i realized, that my world is sooooo much bigger, than to be annoyed, to be angry, or to be emotional about the words and thoughts of a few people. and me of all people, having seen so much of the world, should have been the least affected of all.

and so now i understand i am who i choose to be. and yes the world is huge, and so is my God. my worries of insecurity is just a speck of dust in His entirety.

I am free now.

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