Your Will is perfect

its now the time of your life when you look back and reflect on your time spent in university.

as i face the daily queries about what i am going to do with my life after graduation, i gradually grew bitter and blinded about what i actually have now. why is it that i am at this crossroad that i no longer know what i want? would things have turned out differently if i had chosen the other major, or the other university? why has God allowed me to land myself in such a dilemma? why do i feel so insecure nowadays?

it wasn’t until my discipleship group lesson this valentine’s day, that i was reminded of God’s grace. My spiritual multiplier asked us if there was a point of time in my life, that i dedicated my life to God. and that was when i remembered. yes i did. and it was at the exact crossroad about university choices, at that life camp, where i told God that i am willing to put down my life just for Him and His will. and that was when He assured me that the choice i chose was right.

although i still can’t say for sure that i know what God has in plan for me, i can definitely say that God has been really faithful. I entered university bright-eyed and excited, so sure of wanting a career in academic research. i remember it was during my second year that i started to doubt that this might not be the path for me. i struggled with emotional baggages, my too-many responsibilities and school work, and expectations for myself. eventually i decided that i was not made out for research.

the turning point came when i was preparing for my final year project. i remembered the proposal deadline was during my grandma’s wake, and i had to hastily pieced my proposal together with my choices of supervisors. i was extremely grateful that in the end, i had an excellent supervisor of my choice, who inspired me and rekindled my love for Linguistics. and i found again the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment in research that i have looked for and have lost. it is amazing how God has reminded me right now of what I wanted at the very beginning before i became an undergraduate. it has been a long journey.

today i still don’t know where is the right way to go. but Dear God, i just want to say out loud that I trust in You. Your Will is perfect and unfathomable. Like how Jeremy rose from a reserve to a star player, I know that I need to be patient and I need to have faith in You. And I will not be bothered by how everyone else judges me because Lord, You are my only audience because everything I do, is to please You and You only. Amen.